2007秋

雨水，也有了秋的味道
　　
这个秋天，是和着九月的脚步一起到来的

上午在艺术宫，邂逅一场庆祝教师节的文艺演出。突然觉得这种theater的感觉很棒，一向舞蹈白痴的我，突然觉得那些肢体动作都有了生命，像语言般在诉说……于是暗下决心，今生一定要去一次剧场，一部话剧、音乐剧、或者歌舞剧，体验那种我在现场的激动与感动！

Quotes from Little Miss Sunshine

Richard:There are two kinds of people in this world, winners and losers.Inside each and everyone of you.,at the very core of your being...is a winner waiting to be awakened and unleash upon the world.With my nine-step "refuse to lose" program...you now have the necessary tools and the insights...and the know-how to put your losing habits behind you...and to go out and make your dreams come true.(sighs)No hesitating.(chuckles)No complaining.And no excuses.I want you to go out in the world...and I want you to be winners!Thank you.Thank you.
(一开始看到Richard这样志得意满的演讲，错以为这是一部励志片。）

Dwayne: I wish I could just sleep until I was eighteen and skip all this crap-high school and everything-just skip it.
Frank: You know Marcel Proust?
Dwayne: He's the guy you teach.
Frank: Yeah. French writer. Total loser. Never had a real job. Unrequited love affairs. Gay. Spent 20 years writing a book almost no one reads. But he's also probably the greatest writer since Shakespeare. Anyway, he uh... he gets down to the end of his life, and he looks back and decides that all those years he suffered, Those were the best years of his life, 'cause they made him who he was. All those years he was happy? You know, total waste. Didn't learn a thing. So, if you sleep until you're 18... Ah, think of the suffering you're gonna miss. I mean high school? High school-those are your prime suffering years. You don't get better suffering than that.
Dwayne: You know what? Fuck beauty contests. Life is one fucking beauty contest after another. School, then college, then work... Fuck that. And fuck the Air Force Academy. If I want to fly, I'll find a way to fly. You do what you love, and fuck the rest.
（看到后来，才发现一点也不sunshine，倒是充满了悲剧主义的味道。尤其爱这一段的台词，底层的愤怒与不甘。）

Dwayne:Mum,I don't want Olive doing this.
Sheryl:Oh my God!
Dwayne:Look around.This place is fucked.
Look.I don't want these people judging Olive.Fuck them!
Sheryl:Listen,it is too late.
Dwayne:No,it's not too late.You're the Mom...and you're supposed to protect her.Everyone is goona laugh at her,Mum.Please don't let her do this.Look,she's not a beauty queen.She'sjust not.I'm gonna tell her.
Sheryl:No,Dwayne.You listen to me.Olive is who she is. She has worked so hard.She'spoured everything into this.We can't just take it away from her.We can't.I know you wanna protect her.I know,honey,but...we gotta let Olive be Olive.
（有的电影可以让你想要痛快地大叫。当一家人在台上共舞，无视周围人异样的目光时，血脉贲张，想大叫。看到Richard在看其他小演员表演时那种瞠目结舌又惶恐不安状，不知是不是意识到了不是所有的“永不放弃”都会有结果？Fuck nine-step "refuse to lose" program!)

看电影！看电影！

这三周来，像是要把前面几个月遗失的时光都报复回来。

强烈推荐之列。贾樟柯的第一个镜头就把我震住了，好一张浮世众生相！祖国啊，我亲爱的祖国……《落叶归根》中震撼的一个镜头是影片快结束时，赵本山背着兄弟的尸体走过一列长长的车队，那么多车没有一辆停下来捎上他们一程，而今因为塌方堵在了这里，赵本山背着尸体孤独又坚定地一一走过，车上人的目光……要说不同的话，贾樟柯还是更像大师一些，沉稳从容；《落叶归根》中更多取巧。张扬的片子还总能引起我的兴趣，从《爱情麻辣烫》、《昨天》、《向日葵》，反倒是著名的《洗澡》印象不深，再到这一部。

同一个导演，但影片差距太大了。生日快乐细腻而精致，有很多小资元素，很多小细节让我心存戚戚焉：片子开头双方都蓄谋要给对方惊喜，结果双双落空；加辣的火锅、故意溅起的汤渍、停电时发的短讯……刘若英张艾嘉加入创作的结果吧。后者，哎，太假了，剧情太突兀，让人根本无法进入演员的情绪里去，是三周之中最差的一部。

《伤城》，港片，很港的片子，剧情扣人心弦，强烈的都市感。《面纱》，看了是一种说不出的感觉，只觉得音乐太棒了，引领着剧情。男女主人公的性格挺喜欢的，倔强背后是掩埋的深情。“女人不会因为一个男人品德高尚而爱上他”，又像有我的影子。一桩不完美的爱情，在异乡的疫区，得到了成全。难道爱情原本只是虚无，所谓chemical effect也只是等待the right time,the right place而已？看了相关的影评，没有一篇说中我的感觉。

还有〈父子〉、〈春田花花同学会〉，略去不表。

还看完了Sex and the City，最后三集是连着看的，很好，很温暖的结尾。记得最开始看第一季时，我简直觉得吐，接受不了，文化差距也太大了，但到后来，逐渐能联系上了。这最后三集，Carrie在巴黎街头孤独地流浪，lost in Paris的感觉，让人心疼;Miranda 从衣橱中找出一条jeans,发现自己居然还能穿的窃喜，向来独立苛刻的她会照顾患痴呆症的婆婆，还愿意与她生活在一起，为爱情（不完全是吧）她学会了牺牲一部分自我；Samantha终于还是成了她鄙夷的monogamist，那个小朋友送给她的那株绿色植物很是动人，“looking forward to spring"…Charlotte 终于领养到了一个中国孩子，实现了她做母亲的夙愿。After all,everybody got a happy ending!

落叶归根

电影中有这么一段：午马饰演的一个老人为自己安排了一场葬礼，在他还活着的时候，他想体会一下众人哭丧的热闹场面，专门雇来了几个与他毫无关系的人，为他哭得悲天怆地……他一定是太孤独了，在孤独中生，却害怕孤独的死；不害怕死，只是害怕死后连个收尸的人也没有……

一切都在远去。越来越远，越来越远，在Erikson的心理学理论中，每个人在一生中的不同时期都有具体的任务，成年初期就应当成家立业。任务不能完成，总感觉不完整。不仅仅是peer pressure，也是自我感觉到的一种缺失。

今天去到了福利院，来去匆匆一瞥。但是那些婴儿的眼睛，却长久地刻在了脑海中。一开始他们说是婴儿，我还怀疑，怎么会是婴儿呢？应该是孩子吧，几个月大的才叫婴儿。事实很快证明我的无知，七八个怀里抱着的、床上爬的，一生下来就被遗弃，被派出所发现后送到福利院，“有人领养吗？”“有，但是一般听说有残疾就不要了。”“那就一直由你们抚养吗？”“是，我们这儿最大的15岁。”那孩子越来越多，你们人力、环境有限，怎么办？记不得是我忘了问这个，还是她们忘了回答，还是答了我却忘了？
我想像着这些孩子的漫长人生，所谓孤儿，美丽世界的孤儿……
同样挥之不去的还有院里那些“妈妈”们的脸，热情、慈爱、来自母性的光彩，五十多岁的大妈，十多岁的少女，还有大我几岁的漂亮姐姐（她一走开，孩子就哭），有义工来福利院吗？