去年今日

一切的一切都还历历在目。
冬至、圣诞、元旦，我的纪年仿佛是从那时开始的。关于冬至的传说，冷清的小屋里胡诹的长短句，和家人逛街的相片。春去秋来，这个短暂又温暖的冬天，仍然在独自固守着寂寞。

061126 Soundtrack of my life

1. It Won't Be Long--Nigel B Swifte,2006











(Description:What do you feed a soul? Protein shakes? Soy Lattes? How about an earthy, honest blend of alt / country and contemporary folk? Melbourne singer / songwriter Nigel B Swifte's work is testament to the fact that music can indeed nourish the soul. Nigel's rasping vocals and warm, virtuoso guitar playing have been nourishing Australian audiences from coast to coast in a career spanning more than 15 years and 6 independent recordings.)

2.Too Much Space to Walk Away--Avocado Club,2006











3.Years Ago--Tim Burgess,2006











4.Beautiful Boy--Lola Ray,2006











Never Been burned by a beautiful
I always had myself a couple little toys
None of them matter when you're laying next to me
You know you shook me like a baby in a tree

Hey, is it easier, when you're out there on your own
Did you find what you're looking for?
I know I'll never be the one that you adore

I need time to grow
I need someone else to call my own
I need you, to need me
I don't love you, so come love me
Tonight

Never been turned by a beautiful girl
I've always loved a couple women in this world
All of them matter when you're laying next to me
I know I shook you like a baby in a tree

Hey, is it easier, when you're out there on your own
I haven't found what I'm looking for
I know you'll never be the one that I adore

I need time to grow
I need someone else to call my own
Don't you, to need me
I don't love you, so come love me
Tonight

Nothing's gonna change
If I wanna leave, then I'm gonna leave

'Cause nothing's gonna change
If I wanna leave, then I'm gonna leave

Everything's clearer now
The lovers have gone their way
Colors no longer fill my head
Everything's black and grey all right
Curse this fickle mind of mine
I've wasted so much time
When will I learn nothings ever good enough
When it's mine...?

I need time to grow
I need someone else to call my own
Don't you, to need me
I don't love you, so come love me
I don't love you, so come love me
I don't love you, so come love me
I don't love you, so come love me
I don't love you, so come love me
Tonight...

5.7 days 7 weeks--dEUS,2005

Sister love why don't you break it up,
You got to let someone look into your heart
Sister love how do you keep it up,
If you don't let no-one look into your heart
As a kid you couldn't live it up
You were so serious but always so smart
As a kid couldn't keep it up
And we were never close
So much apart

Here comes the sun smiling
How long have you been blue?
There'd ever be a time for us to recapture
All the time we lose (I want to give that to you)

There was a time when you were being so proud
Could have been anything that you aspired
There was a time when you were never around
When something good happened
Something good happened right
So sister love i'll help you off the ground
You got to let someone look into your heart
You got to turn this situation around
You got to turn this, turn it around

Here comes the sun smiling
How long have you been blue?
There'd ever be a time for us to recapture
All the time we lose

Cause it's plain to see
A storm is not the weather
And i'm telling you girl
You'll look at them and smile
7 days you should be giving yourself
All your belongings
And all you treasure
7 weeks you think of nobody else
Is this what you want
Is this what you are?
How did it come this far?

Here comes the sun smiling
The only thing that's true
There'd ever be a time for us to recapture
All the time we lose

Cause it's plain to see
A storm is not the weather
And i'm telling you girl
You'll look at them and smile

6.Fix You--Coldplay,2005

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you loose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down on your face
And I..

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from the mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
And I..

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

7.Two More Years--Bloc Party,2005

In two more years, my sweetheart, we will see another view
such longing for the past for such completion
What was once golden has now turned a shade of grey
I've become crueler in your presence

They say: 'be brave, there's a right way and a wrong way'
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years, there's only two more years
Two more years so hold on

You've cried enough this lifetime, my beloved polar bear
Tears to fill a sea to drown a beacon
To start anew all over, remove those scars from your arms
To start anew all over more enlightened

I know, my love, this is not the only story you can tell
This pain won't last for ever, this pain won't last for ever

Two more years...

You don't need to find answers for questions never asked of you
You don't need to find answers

Dead weights and balloons
Drag me to you
Dead weights and balloons
To sleep in your arms
I've become crueler since i met you
I've become rougher, this world is killing me

We cover our lies with handshakes and smiles
We try to remember our alibis
We tell lies to our parents he hide in their rooms
We bury our secrets in the garden
Of course we could never make this love last
I said of course we could never make this love last
The only love we know is love for ourselves
We bury our secrets in the garden

8.23 jewels--Amusement Parks on Fire,2005

9.Venus In Cancer--Amusement Parks on Fire,2005
Girl in the phone-box
In my home
Right from the first start
In my bones
I haven’t got time
You ask
What you here for?
Take me to the bathroom (..back room?)
And open the door

It’s all I care about
And I found
It’s all I hear about

I can’t figure out what
I wanna wait for
I forged all the answers
And now I want more
I won’t step back and watch
What I paid for
Wait until the mask’s off
And take it too far

Its all I care about
And I found
Its all I hear (I’m here?) about

Straight from the camera
In my heart
Forged all the answers
Right from the start
I haven’t got time
You ask
What you here for?
I won’t step back and watch

10.Glosoli--sigur rós,2005

11.Fall in Love--Tim Booth,2005

Ease your lips into a velvet kiss while I enfold you
Move your hands across this promised land
The seekers guided by the pole star
Say the words
Why don’t you say the words
I have been waiting long to hear
Please fall in love with me
Drift with me upon an endless sea
We are divine in the realm of these senses
Every move has been a subterfuge
While we pretend that we really don’t care
Moved by fear we might be strangers here
But I can feel we might be one
Please fall in love with me
I hear the sound of moons falling
Surrender to this charm
I breeze across your soul darling
Deep eternity
Lost your mind
Well don’t you think it’s time
To swim away from the safety of these beaches
Trust the tides, they know which way to flow
And don’t you long to flow so far
Moved by waves we’ve never felt before
Till we are floating way out deep
Please fall in love with me
Please

Final Party

冬日图

小院里种有一排银杏树。每天拉开窗帘，都有眼前一亮的感觉。黄而不枯，是有别于春夏的另一种极致的美。不知道40岁的人，是否也会依然让人惊艳？这样壮丽的景象，不知道一生可以遇到几回？

这个城市的银杏还真不少

一个远方的朋友，早早地就问我街上的树叶都黄了吗？

几阵风雨，要不了多久，就会光秃秃的了吗？

再多看一眼

Eason新歌《富士山下》

听粤语歌的时候很少，但因为有林夕，因为有Eason，总不能略过。

“谁都只得那双手
靠拥抱亦难任你拥有
要拥有必先懂失去怎接受
曾沿着雪路浪游
为何为好事泪流
谁能凭爱意要富士山私有
何不把悲哀感觉
假设是来自你虚构”

林夕说：“其实，你喜欢一个人，就像喜欢富士山。你可以看到它，但是不能搬走它。你有什么方法可以移动一座富士山，回答是，你自己走过去。爱情也如此，逛过就已经足够。”

诡异的一天

ex1中午发来了SMS（半个月后）。
晚上竟然在IM上给ex2留了言。是无意中看到了以前的聊天纪录，屈指可数的几次，有激辩，有揶揄，有玩笑，原来那时还是那么极端和幼稚。一年多了，各自又经历了多少人与事？当初信誓旦旦回答“no way”的问题，如果你今天再问我，或许我会说“no problem”？流年飞转，物是人非。为什么你那么面浅呢？有时候，幸福是要厚着脸皮才能得来的……

周六

他们都很单纯
惟有我心事重重
长长的沉默
压得我抬不起头

提着3斤重的大黑包
（想起Sex&the City中
Carrie不懂什么叫back-up
我今天才弄明白硬盘与内存）
从城西到城东
再到城南
五个多小时

多事之冬
两天了 又把该做的事丢一旁
在豆瓣寻同城同龄豆友
或许我这样的早离开了这个城市

和时间赛跑
我赢得了我自己么
让生命拐弯？

#林亿莲 《失踪》

ThanksGiving Day

我们长得不漂亮。可我还是一下子就爱上了你。朴拙的外表背后，是细致不凡的内在。简洁，人性化，比前面那两个手机好太多。从这第一只cellphone开始，坚定地做NOKIA的粉：）

年之将尽

不觉已是年底。意识到这个的时候，一阵惊讶。恍然夏天才刚走，这个溢满阳光的暖秋啊，让我怀念那些阴郁的日子。阴天，内心仿佛更安全。
看统计，概率分布，看得晕乎晕乎的，天书也不过如此吧，高中数学全忘了。一遍，两遍，反反复复地看。统计如同数学，实验如同物理。我干嘛选了这个啊。
窃喜自己还拥有自由，一个人想干嘛干嘛，还有很多种可能。。。为什么没有早点开始做这样有意思的事呢？

Tomorrow

年纪越大，朋友越少。满肚子的话，不知道可以说给谁听。结婚的享受着二人世界，或者围着孩子和孩子他爹；单身的都象我一样越来越封闭，话越来越少，习惯了默默地独自生活。一个人一个世界，每颗心都被筑上高高的围墙。
明天，还是会去的。尽管一次次想放弃，质疑自己选错了专业，走上了一条永远走不通的路；时间一再地被浪费，可是明天依然会来，你别无选择，即使知道注定失败，又能怎样呢？难道我就真的不能全身心投入吗，这最后的60多天啊。

"Hoping for the best,expecting for the worst."
"what we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens."

20061022soundtrack of my life

1.Pet Shop Boys my october symphony 1990

So much confusion
When autumn comes around
What to do about October
How to smile behind a frown?
It's hard to settle down

It's so bemusing
Will they cancel the parade?
We marched each October
Now they say we were never even saved
We must be very brave

Shall I rewrite or revise
My October symphony?
Or as an indication
Change the dedication
From revolution to revelation?

So we're all drinking
As leaves fall to the ground
Because we've been thinking
How October's let us down
Then and now

Shall we remember
December instead?
Or worry about February?
Mourn our war-torn dead
Never seeing red?

Shall I rewrite or revise
My October symphony?
Or as an indication
Change the dedication
From revolution to revelation?

2.TIM BOOTH | Redneck 2004

Lest old acquaintance be forgot

I lost your number in the rush

Our friendship suffered with my success
The wind it blew me on
Now Ive been sacrified to entertain
I went down smiling, it felt like pain
The wind it blew me on
The wind it blew me on

Im just ice-cream
Its all rama rama
Im just space dust
Its all rama rama
Im just ice-cream
Its all rama rama
Thought I was high class
Its all rama rama
So self-important to this scheme
My tragic suffering
No more than a dream

Ive got friends in higher places
Dont you recognize my faces
Millions want my auto-photograph
Critics want to write my epitath

Ive got personal numberplates
Ive got more money than Bill Gates

Run it, run it, run it back up to me
Live my life on TV
Run it, run it, run it back up to me
Im what you want to
If I cant top this industry
My birthright feeling incomplete
I wont get sucked into this greed
Cos I sing love is all you need
Lest old acquaintance be forgot

3.Morrisey America is not the world 2004










America your head's too big, Because America, Your belly's too big
And I love you, I just wish you'd stay where you is

In America, The land of the free, they said, And of opportunity, In a just and a truthful way
But where the president, Is never black, female or gay, And until that day
You've got nothing to say to me, To help me believe

In America, It brought you the hamburger, Well America you know where, You can shove your hamburger
And don't you wonder, Why in Estonia they say, Hey you, Big fat pig
You fat pig, You fat pig

Steely Blue eyes with no love in them, Scan The World,
And a humourless smile, With no warmth within, Greets the world
And I, I have got nothing, To offer you
No-no-no-no-no
Just this heart deep and true, Which you say you don't need

See with your eyes, Touch with your hands, please, Hear through your ears, Know in your soul, please
For haven't you me with you now?
And I love you, I love you, I love you, And I love you, I love you, I love you

4.BLUE NILE, THE | I Would Never Lyrics 2004

i have walked a thousand miles
i have worked as fast as i can
and i have raised our precious child to be a man
but i would never turn my back on your love

i have gone up and down
yeah i have wandered from place to place
and i have raised my weary hand to my face
but i would never turn my back on your love

is there anybody there who knows me?
is there anybody ther who knows now
that i will be home soon?
and i would never turn my back on your love

when the sun is going down
and there are cars against the sky
i have seen my hometown in your eyes
but i would never turn my back
yeah i am learning to face the facts
no i would never turn my back on your love

5. Chris Isaak This Time 1998

I know I let you down the last time.
You said then there'd be no next time.

One more chance is all I'm asking.

Is it so hard to be forgiven?

If only I could make you see

how much your love could mean to me.
This time..
This time..
Cause I know the world can turn against you.
But this time I'm gonna be there for you.
I know I said I'd change the last time.
But it won't be the same this time.
If only I could make you see,
how much your love is changing me.
If only we could start again.
This time.
This time.
If only I could make you see.
What one more chance could mean to me.
If only we could start again.
This time.
This time..
This time.
This time.
I know it's gotta work out this time.

6.Jimmy Chamberlin Complex noki cat 2005

A life comes our way

A death comes our way

Which is the safer place

I'll tell you
Who are we to complain
When God takes things away
Is it enough to confess
Some sadness
I gaze into the sun
My green eyes burning
I found no angels
I found myself
I found no angels
You and you are true
I can't meet you halfway
You and you are true
I can't meet you halfway
I found no angels
I found myself
I found no angels
Simple cares they escape me
If I walk away don't hate me
I got to see where the pain will take me
I found no angels
I found myself
I found no angels
I found no angels
I found myself
I found no angels

7.Ian McCulloch&Jane Birkin baby hold on 2003

When your life is wrong
And your days are gone
And the
Night is coming on
Baby hold on
Baby hold on
Baby
hold on

When your race is run
And the prize is won
Make the words to your song
Baby hold on
Baby hold on
Baby hold on

When it feels like no one listens
And it seems like no one hears you call
When your star no longer glistns
I'll be there to catch you
You won't fall
You won't fall
When your day is done
Like a setting sun
And the night keeps coming on
Baby hold on
Baby hold on
Baby hold on
Baby hold on
Baby hold on

8.Lou Reed walk on the wildside 1999

Holly came from Miami, F.L.A.
Hitch-hiked her way across the USA
Plucked her eyebrows on the way
Shaved her legs and then he was a she
She says, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
Hey honey
Take a walk on the wild side

Candy came from out on the Island
In the backroom she was everybody's darlin'
But she never lost her head
Even when she was giving head
She says, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
I Said, Hey baby
Take a walk on the wild side
And the coloured girls go
doo do doo do doo do do doo..

Little Joe never once gave it away
Everybody had to pay and pay
A hustle here and a hustle there
New York City's the place where they say,
Hey babe, take a walk on the wild side
I said, Hey Joe
Take a walk on the wild side

Sugar Plum Fairy came and hit the streets
Lookin' for soul food and a place to eat
Went to the Apollo
You should've seen em go go go
They said, Hey shuga Take a walk on the wild side
I Said, Hey babe
Take a walk on the wild side
All right, huh

Jackie is just speeding away
Thought she was James Dean for a day
Then I guess she had to crash
Valium would have helped that bash
Said, Hey babe,
Take a walk on the wild side
I said, Hey honey,
Take a walk on the wild side
and the coloured girls say,
doo do doo do doo do do doo
9.U2 bad 1990

If you twist and turn away
If you tear yourself in two again
If I could, yes I would
If I could, I would
Let it go
Surrender
Dislocate
If I could throw this
Lifeless lifeline to the wind
Leave this heart of clay
See you walk, walk away
Into the night
And through the rain
Into the half-light
And through the flame

If I could through myself
Set your spirit free
I'd lead your heart away
See you break, break away
Into the light
And to the day

Oooh oooh, oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh...

To let it go! And so to fade away
To let it go!
And so fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping, oh no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in blood shot eyes

Oooh oooh, oooh oooh, oooh oooh oooh...

If I could, you know I would
If I could, I would
Let it go

This desparation
Dislocation
Separation
Condemnation
Revelation
In temptation
Isolation
Desolation

Let it go
And so fade away
To let it go, oh yeah
And so fade away
To let it go, oh No
And so to fade away
I'm wide awake
I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping oh no no
10.Sting mad about you 1991

A stoness throw from jerusalem
I walked a lonely mile in the moonlight
And though a million stars were shining
My heart was lost on a distant planet
That whirls around the april moon
Whirling in an arc of sadness
Im lost without you Im lost without you
Though all the kingdoms turn to sand
And fall into the sea
Im mad about you Im mad about you

And from the dark secluded valleys
I heard the ancient songs of sadness
But every step I thought of you
Every footstep only you
And every star a grain of sand
The leavings of a dried up ocean
Tell me, how much longer? how much longer?

They say a city in the desert lies
The vanity of an ancient king
But the city lies in broken pieces
Where the wind howls and the vultures sing
These are the works of man
This is the sun of our ambition
It would make a prison of my life
If you become anothers wife
With every prison blown to dust
My enemies walk free
Im mad about you Im mad about you

And I have never in my life
Felt more alone than I do now
Although I claim dominations over all I see
It means nothing to me
There are no victories
In all our histories, without love

A stones throw from jerusalem
A walked a lonely mile in the moonlight
And though a million stars were shining
My heart was lost on a distant planet
That whirls around the april moon
Whirling in an arc of sadness
Im lost without you Im lost without you
And though you hold the keys to ruin
Of everything I see
With every prison blown to dust,
My enemies walk free
Though all the kingdoms turn to sand
And fall into the sea
Im mad about you Im mad about you

。。。。。。

上一次是符郁，这次是子尤。那些未曾谋面却有所牵挂的人儿啊。上次还仅仅是错愕，今天再也止不住了，一个人默默对着电脑让泪尽情地流……再回头一遍遍地看他以前写下的文字，六人行、奥斯卡、胡因梦、李宗盛、张国荣……难以相信，一个16岁的人可以引起26岁的我的如此多的共鸣。怀念年初那段天天追着你blog看的日子，为什么这个世界优秀的灵魂要一个个早逝？很担心你的妈妈，她现在在做什么呢？
勇敢地在这个周末关机两天。像我这样电话稀少的人，都觉得关机需要这么大的勇气，xiaowei真是巨勇敢。《sex and the city》中，Carrie始终不曾拥有过cell phone，或许这是她的一种态度。拒绝手机，保全自我。

Tears in heaven

不敢相信这是真的。老天为什么刚刚给了我们惊喜，又给我们如此沉重的当头一击？我以为你最艰难的时刻已经过去，我向来相信奇迹，相信老天只是顽皮地开了一个玩笑，他是懂得善待所有灵魂中有爱的人的，可是……
你说，“这个故事会怎么收场呢？”你一定是想好了，要在天堂里继续你的传奇吧。这不是结束，你只是踏上了另一段旅程，是吗？幸运的是，我曾静静地，路过你的身旁。
我爱你，孩子。

穿城

傍晚，穿越这座城市，夜幕降落，霓虹绽放。从车窗里打望，城市被涂抹上一层奇异的色彩。

从月光咖啡的二楼，眺望那一片湖水。灯火辉煌处，水波荡漾时。

夜色中的彩虹。

Connection

第一次采访娱乐明星。不过却完全不像个娱记，被我弄得太沉重了，寒一个：（
又见DJ.我曾经听过的shixin.他的节目叫什么名字我都忘了，反正窦唯的高级动物就是从他的节目里第一次听到的，刚毕业那会儿，那个小县城，每个周末的上午。后来还给他发过短信还是什么的，他还有过反馈，一个比我还小的北京男孩，原来是川音的，跟一个同事是校友。个子不高，微胖，感觉有些腼腆，83年。这也能见着？
结束后与新来的同事一起吃晚饭。他说起他最喜欢伍佰，Kelly Chen.Kelly,又见Kelly.三年前，那个他不是也说过喜欢Kelly么？而且两人的理由也惊人地相似：从来不见有什么绯闻。
那么，聪明的，告诉我，我们还可以再见吗？那些在我生命中匆匆来去的你们，甚至都没有给彼此留下任何clue，甚至没有说过要再见，难道就永远地不见了吗？茫茫人海，你们都好吗？

Where shall I go?

又听说一个同事离开。领到上个月那一点微薄的薪水。心里又是一番起伏跌宕。Where shall I go?What shall I do?9月6日，是来到这里两周年的日子。没有纪念，只有漠然。美好的都已走远。partner,partner,自从去年换了partner，每天在这里便只是撞钟而已。

独自去省城。路遇老同学们，无不惊诧我的只身一人，换了她们是绝不可能独行的。而我却坦然，心如止水，这么多年，我不都是这样过来的吗？孤独早已成习惯，别人心有戚戚焉，与我无关。

9月11日，上周一的晚上，惊见一只鸟在屋内盘旋。灵异事件。我以为是幻觉。打开最亮的那盏灯。没错，是只鸟。它在门后停下来。本来想叫人，终于没有。内心几分怕怕，去洗漱。回来好像就不见了。一个谜。还是一个sign?

不想见。就是没想见。相见不如怀念。可是为什么就是没有勇气说出那一句，其实我已不再爱你……

淘书

三本书，才11块钱。发展心理学，西方近代心理学史，格式塔心理学原理（下）。看着这些原价20多，完好如新（只有一本书写有名字），三四块钱就到了我手里，那个心情啊……如获至宝，喜出望外。感谢豆瓣德阳小组。虽然不是想要的都有，但知足了。回来搜索成都的旧书摊。又是豆瓣。寻觅地图。确定好周六成都行的路线。希望那天顺利。

九月

九月，是开学的季节。我的新学期也开始了。虽然困难重重，但一想到现实的种种，又别无选择，这是解救的唯一出路。
昨天，今天，天天天蓝。

词:卓以玉曲:陈立鸥

天天天蓝
教我不想他也难
不知情的孩子
他还要问
你的眼睛
为什么
出汗
情是深
意是浓
离是苦
想是空

the power of love

认识了这么久，昨晚是第一次，你让我有那么一丝感动。完全是意外啊。你为我想了那么多，为我们想了那么多。也许我真的应该重新打量你。你在改变。那一刻，我的心变得如此软如此软……
你真的会开始写两地书吗？
大雨的夜，一颗心在静静地等。

Forever(lyrics)
by Turin Brakes
ooooh (x2)
inch by inch
i'm infected by your love
head to toe
i'm chemically changed
forever

oh take me back
to your house again, my love
I want to roam
through your fields again, my love
forever
ooooh (x2)

I feel like, i'm falling
i'm falling, for you
forever

from head to toe
i'm infected by your love
inch by inch
i'm chemically changed

秋天来了·梦想

下午上班的路上，不经意地抬头，就望见了那一片蓝天流云，幽幽的蓝、纯净的白，心里不禁一阵小小的激动。天高云淡，和风拂面，是秋天的气息了。这个夏天终于结束了。在连续20多天无雨的苦闷高温后，小城历史上最苦涩的夏日记忆，都过去了。
有人要我给他的未来提建议。我生平最怕做决定（越老越怕），更不要说为别人了。当时我反问他，你这一生的梦想是什么？他没有回答。后来，我不禁心虚，想到了自己：那你呢？你的梦想呢？如果说两年前、甚至一年前还隐隐怀有梦想，那现在呢？不是过一天算一天的凑合吗？ 不，不要，也许没了梦想，但小小的目标，不要也失去了……

幸福在哪里？

反反复复，分分合合。
幸福在哪里？
哥哥今天突然问起两人怎样了。叫不要再理他了。要坚定。我说再也找不到了怎么办。他说马上让**帮忙，怎么会找不到。我连忙说自己会解决……
唉，怎么选都是一场赌博，如鱼饮水，冷暖自知。

闻声识人&数字“7”

做我们这行，每天做得最多的便是打电话。有时一上午、一整天都在打电话。大多时候，都在寻找线索联系相关人，重心在电话的内容而忽略了辨赏人声。可 是今天，我却被那样一个声音抓住了。是一个成熟的男中音。其实声音很普通，只是他言语间透露出的那种沉着、干练、爽快，意外地让我入迷，放下电话，仍在回 味。此前在同事的节目中见过他，看上去依然年轻。采访约在了下午，到点时给他电话却没有接。从四点等到近六点，终于接了电话。竟然听到了一句“对不起”， 在中国像他这样官至局级还有对普通人说“对不起”的习惯的人，已经很少见了。明天依然很忙。十点半你打来试试吧。后来一个人想了很多有关社会成功男，或曰熟男……

他的电话号码里面有四个7。很多男生都喜欢数字7吗？以前有个男孩，他的小灵通尾数是三个7，手机号里也是n个7。他说他最喜欢的数 字是7。做这行后，发现一些人的号码里也常常有几个7 ，当然都是男性。Ex的生日是7月27。下午回来又碰巧在豆瓣15分钟名组里发现“7”，小组成员已有63人，都喜欢7。为什么喜欢7？除了大部分人跟7 有缘外，这个理由还成，“一周有7天，光有7色，人有7情，北斗有7星，连特工都叫007”；关于7的联想里，七宗罪、七剑下天山、七个小矮人、七仙女、 七年之痒、第七封印、七品芝麻官、七武士、七夕……我想到了Eason的一张专辑名为《七》，原来他生于7月27日，最喜欢的数字也是7……

祝我幸福

今天突然就想起了这首歌。几年前第一次听便永远烙在了心里。

祝我幸福
杨乃文
满天星星在眨眼他陪在我身边
轻声细语温柔的眼看着我的脸
一枚戒指在我眼前
是他的诺言爱我永远
山顶上的微风吹心跟着四处飞
我为了什么掉眼泪夜色那么美
一段回忆翻箱倒柜
跟着我在追想的是谁

我很幸福真的幸福
却渴望得到你的祝福
从今以后牵他的手心为何逗留
我很快乐真的快乐
却还是觉得依依不舍
他的肩膀给我力量才能将你放

好想听到你说祝你幸福
只想听到你说祝你幸福

Easy come,easy go

“有一件事我可以确定。”
“这一辈子我都不会离开你。”

不知道为什么，上次你说了分手又回来时，我并没有惊喜，只是淡淡的意外。而且，每当身体感觉到来自于你的触碰时，我总是躲闪，就像面对一个陌生人一 样。我说，我们现在是归零。在为自己找借口啊。或许你以为的失而复得，在我却已经是得而复失。不知道是不是潜意识里已经把你拒绝在门外？自从那天有人向我 展示了另一种活法，生活原本应该那般美好？

为什么，为什么当时你就是不肯呢？

Sorry,you are not the one

她心里很清楚，只要她想挽回，给出一个sign,他是一定会再回来的。只是，她真的想他回来吗？她一遍一遍地问自己：他是那个the one吗？

不是的。
就算余生孤独，她也不愿妥协。就算有从一而终的美好，她也决心放弃。虽然这两天做梦都有梦到他，他也还在关注space……
很羡慕有朋友“执子之手，与子偕老”，牵牵手就是永远；也羡慕有朋友洁身自好，仍然坚守着20岁的清高，从不被孤独冲昏了头脑，总是敢于拒绝，敢于坚持自己的内心……

上午买了L'OREAL眼霜。想找回年轻的飞扬。把君子兰抱回卧室，不忍心她继续一日一日枯黄衰败下去。
昨天下午又收到CK的短信。后来她觉得很装腔作势。小资太过了，就是矫情。他还在努力追求形式。几乎每天一短信。
单身的一个好在于，你再也不会失眠，一靠着枕头便睡着。

Gloomy Sunday

睁开眼，已是九点，这该是这个夏天醒得最晚的一次。打开窗，探出头去望一望路面，没有星点的落雨痕迹。几个小时前的呼啸狂风（有电闪雷鸣吗？），并没有带来心中渴盼已久的那场甘霖。立秋已过，酷热继续。

想起了亦舒在《忽而今夏》里有这样一段话， 　　
“夏日浪漫史永远不会持续。”丹青说。
“为什么？”
“秋天一到，气温下降，头脑马上清醒，各忙各的去了，哪里还有空闹恋爱。”
好友一直强力推荐亦舒的作品，终于拜读了一篇，好像是因为这篇最短吧，“今夏既苦又长。”完全可以套用在我的这个夏天。

一直爱，一直失去。一百余天，何其短暂。为什么爱一个人总是不能长久？为什么该说no的时候总是顺水推舟，该说yes的时候却咬定青山不放松？单身了太久，是经不起诱惑吗？应该更难动心才是。这一次，真的很后悔，曾经的骄傲永远被青春的冲动所埋葬。鄙视自己。

只想做一件事。关机。永远不要有人找我，永远不要被人找到。